{"title":"RetroGlare","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"311\" data-start=\"250\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"311\" data-start=\"250\"\u003eWhere the past is polished and the petty is premeditated.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"497\" data-start=\"313\"\u003eRuthless Retro serves vintage glam with an arched brow and an ice-cold agenda. This is the era of dainty gloves hiding dagger-sharp nails—of sweet tea smiles masking savage intentions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"571\" data-start=\"499\"\u003eShe’ll clutch the pearls…\u003cbr data-end=\"527\" data-start=\"524\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"571\" data-start=\"527\"\u003eThen bless your heart and bury the body.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"573\"\u003eExpect throwback looks with forward-facing fire. It’s elegance with an edge. Politeness, weaponized. And honey, that lipstick ain’t the only thing lethal.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"that-dress-funny-metal-ornament","title":"\"That Dress Makes You Look...\" | Funny Retro Aluminum Ornament | Cheap vs. Trashy","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eSometimes you just need to say it. This retro aluminum ornament does the dirty work for you, delivering a vintage-style fashion critique that is as hilarious as it is rude.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Insult (and Your Style):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eOption 1: The \"Trashy\" Scallop ($12.99)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e An elegant, vintage-inspired Benelux shape with a soft matte finish.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eThe \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eQuote:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \"That dress makes you look trashy.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum with a \u003cb\u003eMatte\u003c\/b\u003e front and \u003cb\u003eBrushed Aluminum\u003c\/b\u003e back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\" × 0.04\"\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eOne-sided\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e (Business in the front, raw metal in the back).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eBonus:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Includes a red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eOption 2: The \"Cheap\" Round ($15.99) – \u003ci\u003ePremium Choice\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e A classic, high-gloss round ornament that pops on the tree.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eThe Quote:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \"That dress makes you look cheap.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e \u003cb\u003eGloss\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e 3.31\" Round.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eDouble-sided\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e (The insult is visible from every angle).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eBonus:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Includes a red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy Aluminum?\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShatterproof:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for households with cats, kids, or clumsy relatives.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eFeatherlight:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Won't weigh down your tree branches.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eDurable:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Made to survive the holiday chaos (unlike that dress).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Wipe with a soft cloth (and maybe a conscience).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"19,7,0,0\"\u003e\u003cbutton class=\"share-button__button\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"svg-wrapper\"\u003e\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 13 12\" class=\"icon icon-share\" fill=\"none\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M1.625 8.125v2.167a1.083 1.083 0 0 0 1.083 1.083h7.584a1.083 1.083 0 0 0 1.083-1.083V8.125\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke=\"currentColor\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003cpath clip-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M6.148 1.271a.5.5 0 0 1 .707 0L9.563 3.98a.5.5 0 0 1-.707.707L6.501 2.332 4.147 4.687a.5.5 0 1 1-.708-.707z\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\" fill=\"currentColor\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003cpath clip-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M6.5 1.125a.5.5 0 0 1 .5.5v6.5a.5.5 0 0 1-1 0v-6.5a.5.5 0 0 1 .5-.5\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\" fill=\"currentColor\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/button\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"\"Cheap\" - Round (Double-Sided)","offer_id":47762737332475,"sku":"33602130431522763000","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"\"Trashy\" - Scallop (Single-Sided)","offer_id":47762737299707,"sku":"25522808068754771940","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Hero_11aac8e3-1955-48fe-a79f-d0d77bef29ec.jpg?v=1765417493"},{"product_id":"hot-toddy-funny-metal-ornament","title":"\"I Need A Hot Toddy\" | Funny Cocktail Aluminum Ornament | Retro Holiday Decor","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"715\" data-end=\"1045\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eHoliday spirit? More like holiday \u003ci\u003espirits\u003c\/i\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0\"\u003eIf your holiday joy depends on a hot toddy and avoiding unsolicited \"feedback\" from certain relatives, this ornament gets you. Equal parts retro charm and unapologetic humor, it hangs on your tree like a festive reminder that sometimes the only thing keeping you \u003ci\u003ecivil\u003c\/i\u003e is a warm cocktail and strict boundaries.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e \"I love you all, but I need a drink.\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Material:\u003c\/b\u003e Ultra-lightweight gloss aluminum that shines under the tree lights.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Durability:\u003c\/b\u003e Shatterproof. (Because after a few hot toddies, accidents happen).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"9,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDouble-Sided:\u003c\/b\u003e Vibrant retro art printed on both sides for maximum impact.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-364 citation-end-364\"\u003eProduct Specs:\u003csup class=\"superscript\" data-turn-source-index=\"3\"\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c\/sup\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"source-inline-chip-container ng-star-inserted\"\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cspan class=\"citation-363\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-363\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-363 citation-end-363\"\u003e Gloss Aluminum (High-definition print).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-362\"\u003eShape:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-362 citation-end-362\" style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e 3.31\" Round.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-361\"\u003ePrint:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-361 citation-end-361\" style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Double-sided (Vibrant \u0026amp; Durable).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-360\"\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-360 citation-end-360\" style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-359\"\u003eCare:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"citation-359 citation-end-359\" style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \u003csup class=\"superscript\" data-turn-source-index=\"8\"\u003e\u003c\/sup\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eWipe clean with a soft, damp cloth. No soaking, scrubbing, or letting judgmental relatives touch it.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"source-inline-chip-container ng-star-inserted\"\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c!----\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight with a reindeer, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47175872315643,"sku":"22421547719987528982","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Hero_1_1.jpg?v=1764177836"},{"product_id":"unwrap-package-funny-adult-ornament","title":"\"Unwrap His Package\" | Funny Adult Humor Aluminum Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"506\" data-end=\"820\"\u003eHoliday innocence? Not here.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"506\" data-end=\"820\"\u003eThis retro pin-up ornament brings the perfect mix of naughty humor and vintage charm, starring a wide-eyed vixen who “could hardly wait for him to unwrap his package.” It’s bold, cheeky, and guaranteed to get a laugh (or a blush).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Gloss Aluminum (High-definition print).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShape:\u003c\/b\u003e 3.31\" Round.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e Double-sided (Vibrant \u0026amp; Durable).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean with a soft, damp cloth. Avoid abrasive cleaners (and abrasive people).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight with a reindeer, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47175872413947,"sku":"68289835786865726828","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Hero_ff46bf9d-184b-4068-9588-3e80c1de6bfc.jpg?v=1764178595"},{"product_id":"polish-off-eggnog-funny-ornament","title":"\"Polish Off The Eggnog\" | Funny Retro Aluminum Ornament | Snarky Holiday Gift","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003eHoliday chaos? Handled. Holiday cocktails? Prioritized.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003eThis retro-inspired aluminum ornament brings peak festive attitude with a wink. Featuring a vintage housewife who has clearly decided that the only way to get through the in-laws is with a very strong drink, it’s the perfect mix of humor and sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e \"I love my family, but I love this drink more right now.\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eThe Material:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Ultra-lightweight aluminum that won't weigh down your branches.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e High-gloss finish that makes the retro art pop.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eDouble-Sided:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Because the truth should be visible from every angle\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"523\" data-end=\"578\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e The exhausted hostess, the friend who needs a drink, or your own tree as a badge of honor.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1253\"\u003eSpecs\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003eMaterial: Gloss aluminum\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003eSize: 3.31\" round\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003ePrint: Double-sided\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003eFinish: Vibrant, full-color gloss\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1244\" data-end=\"1395\"\u003eIncludes: Red ribbon for hanging\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1397\" data-end=\"1443\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1397\" data-end=\"1405\"\u003eCare\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"1405\" data-end=\"1408\"\u003eWipe clean with a soft, damp cloth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"product__description rte quick-add-hidden\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eEvery ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle,\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eIf your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47175872577787,"sku":"23322470755514344621","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Hero_19d6cf53-d09e-4415-be30-4b9a18a1bb3d.jpg?v=1764178854"},{"product_id":"retro-woman-mouse-pad-darling-glamour-is-my-cardio-desk-accessories-office-decor-gift-for-her-feminine-workspace-computer-accessories","title":"Retro Woman Mouse Pad, Darling Glamour Is My Cardio Desk Accessories, Office Decor, Gift for Her, Feminine Workspace, Computer Accessories","description":"Channel your inner retro glamour with this 'Darling, Glamour Is My Cardio' Mouse Pad. Perfect for adding a touch of vintage chic to your workspace. Ideal for anyone who loves retro styles and fashion.\n\nProduct Features\n- Neoprene rubber pad for durability and flexibility\n- Nonslip bottom for a firm grip on the desk\n- Vibrant colors for a bright and crisp design\n- Available in round or rectangle shapes\n\nCare instructions\n- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots, use a soft-bristled brush. \n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Rectangle","offer_id":47175873429755,"sku":"23008776266558017381","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Round","offer_id":47175873462523,"sku":"22574816512079019022","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/14420469700430575218_2048.jpg?v=1747692459"},{"product_id":"sarcastic-mouse-pad-funny-office-desk-decor-gifts-for-coworkers-mouse-mat-desk-accessories","title":"Sarcastic Mouse Pad, Funny Office Desk Decor, Gifts for Coworkers, Mouse Mat, Desk Accessories","description":"Sarcastic and funny Mouse Pad designed for the office, perfect as a gift for coworkers. Adds a touch of humor to the workspace and provides a smooth surface for a mouse. Relevant for office workers, students, and anyone who appreciates sarcasm. Ideal for birthdays, holidays, and office celebrations.\n\nProduct features\n- Neoprene rubber pad for long lifespan and comfort\n- Nonslip bottom for a firm grip on the desk\n- Vibrant colors with bright and crisp printing techniques\n- One-sided print\n- Available in round and rectangle shapes\n\nCare instructions\n- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots use a soft-bristled brush. \n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Rectangle","offer_id":47175875559675,"sku":"18554708408626076271","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Round","offer_id":47175875592443,"sku":"71270413937567928164","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/6642613972101727997_2048.jpg?v=1747692735"},{"product_id":"mouse-pad-funny-office-desk-mat-feeling-like-insufficient-funds-humor-sarcastic-coworker-gift-work-from-home-office-decor-computer","title":"Mouse Pad, Funny Office Desk Mat - Feeling Like Insufficient Funds Humor, Sarcastic, Coworker Gift, Work From Home, Office Decor, Computer","description":"This Mouse Pad features a humorous quote that adds a touch of fun to your workspace. It's perfect for those who appreciate a bit of sarcasm in their everyday life. Ideal for office workers, students, and anyone who spends long hours on the computer. Great gift for birthdays, holidays, and back-to-school season.\n\nProduct Features\n- Neoprene rubber pad for durability and comfort\n- Nonslip bottom for a secure grip on the desk\n- Available in two shapes: round and rectangle\n\nCare instructions\n- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots, use a soft-bristled brush. \n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Rectangle","offer_id":47175875657979,"sku":"23316162907993602569","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Round","offer_id":47175875690747,"sku":"31837196752473424260","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/10057756957529417604_2048.jpg?v=1747692769"},{"product_id":"mouse-pad-funny-office-desk-mat-feeling-like-insufficient-funds-humor-sarcastic-coworker-gift-work-from-home-office-decor-computer-1","title":"Mouse Pad, Funny Office Desk Mat - Feeling Like Insufficient Funds Humor, Sarcastic, Coworker Gift, Work From Home, Office Decor, Computer","description":"This Mouse Pad features a humorous quote that adds a touch of fun to your workspace. It's perfect for those who appreciate a bit of sarcasm in their everyday life. Ideal for office workers, students, and anyone who spends long hours on the computer. Great gift for birthdays, holidays, and back-to-school season.\n\nProduct Features\n- Neoprene rubber pad for durability and comfort\n- Nonslip bottom for a secure grip on the desk\n- Available in two shapes: round and rectangle\n\nCare instructions\n- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots, use a soft-bristled brush. \n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Rectangle","offer_id":47175875854587,"sku":"16340242916136753823","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Round","offer_id":47175875887355,"sku":"18355310553212448462","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/2275283173892432963_2048.jpg?v=1747692800"},{"product_id":"sarcastic-mouse-pad-funny-office-desk-decor-gifts-for-coworkers-mouse-mat-desk-accessories-1","title":"Sarcastic Mouse Pad, Funny Office Desk Decor, Gifts for Coworkers, Mouse Mat, Desk Accessories","description":"Sarcastic and funny Mouse Pad designed for the office, perfect as a gift for coworkers. Adds a touch of humor to the workspace and provides a smooth surface for a mouse. Relevant for office workers, students, and anyone who appreciates sarcasm. Ideal for birthdays, holidays, and office celebrations.\n\nProduct features\n- Neoprene rubber pad for long lifespan and comfort\n- Nonslip bottom for a firm grip on the desk\n- Vibrant colors with bright and crisp printing techniques\n- One-sided print\n- Available in round and rectangle shapes\n\nCare instructions\n- Use warm water and dish soap to clean spots off your pad. It's not necessary to soak the whole pad. For hard-to-clean spots use a soft-bristled brush. \n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"One size \/ Rectangle","offer_id":47175876182267,"sku":"12939923648543873374","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"One size \/ Round","offer_id":47175876215035,"sku":"14543444281474888717","price":12.28,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/9801267116752477833_2048.jpg?v=1747692825"},{"product_id":"naughty-or-nice-aluminum-ornament","title":"\"Naughty or Nice? Who Cares.\" | Funny Aluminum Ornament | Red \u0026 Green Styles","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"2739\" data-start=\"2599\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2647\" data-start=\"2622\"\u003eSpoiler: You’re both.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"2650\" data-start=\"2647\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0\"\u003eBecause labels are for gift tags, not women with personality. This vintage-inspired aluminum ornament is the perfect holiday accessory for those who have never once been accused of being \"nice\" (and are proud of it).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Attitude:\u003c\/b\u003e \"Naughty or Nice? It Could Go Either Way.\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Glossy sass with zero class.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e A unique vintage scallop shape (Benelux) with a matte finish.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Options:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in \u003cb\u003eRed Bombshell\u003c\/b\u003e or \u003cb\u003eGreen Vixen\u003c\/b\u003e to match your mood (or your outfit).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eS\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003ehape:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Scallop (Benelux).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e Matte front \/ Brushed Silver back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e One-sided (Vibrant color).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe clean (with a smirk).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight with a reindeer, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Crowned Syndicate","offers":[{"title":"Red Bombshell","offer_id":47651201057019,"sku":"29534290653786557955","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Green Vixen","offer_id":47651201089787,"sku":"17153259296309617636","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/FunnyretroaluminumChristmasornamentwithredbackgroundandpin-upartsaying_NaughtyorNice_ItCouldGoEitherWay..jpg?v=1761669384"},{"product_id":"giving-my-opinion-funny-ornament","title":"This Christmas I'm Giving My Opinion\" | Funny Retro Aluminum Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"1049\" data-start=\"849\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"915\" data-start=\"849\"\u003eWhen the holidays need honesty, you show up with a microphone.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"918\" data-start=\"915\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eThis ornament is for the woman who gifts truth, not things. Featuring a vintage-style design that radiates zero hesitation, it’s the perfect décor for the friend who turns family gatherings into group therapy no one asked for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"This Christmas I'm Giving My Opinion.\" (You're welcome).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Glossy? No. Gutsy? Absolutely.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e A unique vintage scallop shape (Benelux) with a sophisticated matte finish.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Recipient:\u003c\/b\u003e The friend who weaponizes honesty and calls it \"self-awareness.\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShape:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Scallop (Benelux).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e Matte front \/ Brushed Silver back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e One-sided (Vibrant color).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe gently (preferably with restraint).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47651626615035,"sku":"19138333687990020219","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/funny-retro-christmas-ornament-giving-my-opinion-aluminum.jpg?v=1761677028"},{"product_id":"define-good-naughty-ornament","title":"\"Define Good\" | Funny Naughty Aluminum Ornament | Retro Pin-Up Decor","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"2331\" data-start=\"2205\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"2255\" data-start=\"2205\"\u003eThe only list she’s making is Santa’s regrets.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"2258\" data-start=\"2255\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eBecause \"good\" is open to interpretation—and she’s fluent in loopholes. This ornament is for the woman who smiles sweetly while breaking every rule on the list (twice).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"Define 'Good'.\" (The ultimate defense).\\\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Retro pin-up meets savage seasonal energy.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e A unique vintage scallop shape (Benelux) with a sophisticated matte finish.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Recipient:\u003c\/b\u003e The friend who can't sit on Santa's lap without causing HR paperwork.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShape:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Scallop (Benelux).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e Matte front \/ Brushed Silver back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e One-sided (Vibrant color).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe with a soft cloth and a guilty conscience.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47651946823931,"sku":"11167911056964621334","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/define-good-funny-santa-pinup-ornament-closeup.jpg?v=1761688123"},{"product_id":"deeply-into-debt-funny-ornament","title":"\"Let's Get Deeply Into Debt\" | Funny Couple's Aluminum Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"464\" data-end=\"572\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"464\" data-end=\"499\"\u003eWhen love and capitalism unite.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"499\" data-end=\"502\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0\"\u003eBecause nothing says Christmas like matching credit card statements. This retro-inspired ornament celebrates the true meaning of modern Christmas: emotional damage and financial denial.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"Darling, let's get deeply into debt this holiday season.\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Mid-century romance meets 21st-century inflation.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e A unique vintage scallop shape (Benelux) with a matte finish that looks expensive (ironically).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Perfect Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e For the couple who laughs through the chaos—because at least you’ll \u003ci\u003elook good while going broke together.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShape:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Scallop (Benelux).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e Matte front \/ Brushed Silver back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e One-sided (Vibrant color).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe gently and remember—minimum payments are for peasants.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Dark Skin Tone Couple","offer_id":47657305735419,"sku":"11741590067704465062","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone Couple","offer_id":47657305768187,"sku":"28434138482884757106","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/funny-retro-christmas-ornament-naughty-or-nice-red-aluminum.jpg_5_1.jpg?v=1764172112"},{"product_id":"treasured-means-ignored-funny-ornament","title":"\"If Treasured Means Totally Ignored\" | Funny Mom Life Aluminum Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"444\" data-end=\"523\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eBecause nothing says 'holiday joy' like being underappreciated in pearls.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0\"\u003eThis ornament honors the real MVP of Christmas—the one who cooks, cleans, and gets a scented candle for her efforts. Featuring a 1950s housewife smiling through the pain, this design is for every woman who has ever been told, \u003ci\u003e\"You're such a blessing,\"\u003c\/i\u003e while she does the dishes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"If 'Treasured' Means Totally Ignored... Yes, I'm Treasured!\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Mid-century charm meets modern maternal rage.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Shape:\u003c\/b\u003e A unique vintage-style scallop shape (Benelux) that stands out on the tree.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Finish:\u003c\/b\u003e Matte aluminum front with a brushed silver back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/b\u003e Moms, wives, and the friend who does everything.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"17\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShape:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Scallop (Benelux).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFinish:\u003c\/b\u003e Matte front \/ Brushed Silver back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e One-sided (Vibrant color).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"18,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe gently, sip wine, repeat.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"19\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight with a reindeer, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Light Skin Tone","offer_id":47657307865339,"sku":"18914806377262645334","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone","offer_id":47657307898107,"sku":"26282313937191847030","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/funny-retro-christmas-ornament-naughty-or-nice-red-aluminum.jpg_4_1.jpg?v=1764172054"},{"product_id":"happy-hanukkah-chloroform-dark-humor-apron","title":"Happy Hanukkah | Chloroform Dark Humor Retro Apron","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\"Darling, Does This Smell Like Chloroform to You?\"\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,1\"\u003eServe the latkes with a side of savage wit. This vintage-style apron features a stunning 1950s Jewish housewife who looks sweet... but is holding a very suspicious rag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,2\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Ironic Twist:\u003c\/b\u003e Look closely at \u003ci\u003eher\u003c\/i\u003e apron. It cheerfully says \u003cb\u003e\"Happy Hanukkah!\"\u003c\/b\u003e—because nothing says \"I love you\" like ensuring \u003ci\u003eeight\u003c\/i\u003e very silent nights.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Art Style:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,4,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eRealistic Art:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a high-definition 1950s housewife in blue velvet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,4,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eClassic Illustration:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a retro comic-book style pin-up in green.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,5\"\u003e\u003cb\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/b\u003e The hostess who has fried enough potatoes for one lifetime, true crime fans, and anyone whose love language is peace and quiet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,6\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Details:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,7,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Polyester Canvas (Stain resistant against oil and wine).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,7,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e One Size fits most (31.5\" x 25.6\") with adjustable straps.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16,7,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Machine washable.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Realistic Art \/ White - Black Strap","offer_id":47702554083579,"sku":"23308413188751851838","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Realistic Art \/ White - White Strap","offer_id":47702554116347,"sku":"28051132165275741829","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Realistic Art \/ White - Beige Strap","offer_id":47702554149115,"sku":"14514264871020618414","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Realistic Art \/ Black - Black Strap","offer_id":47762317541627,"sku":"12268693869780643007","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Realistic Art \/ Black - White Strap","offer_id":47762317574395,"sku":"21726595623346908216","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Realistic Art \/ Black - Beige Strap","offer_id":47762317607163,"sku":"28240592905541040571","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic Illustration \/ White - Black Strap","offer_id":47702712156411,"sku":"12354715578703175528","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic Illustration \/ White - White Strap","offer_id":47702712189179,"sku":"57526646444694986084","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic Illustration \/ White - Beige Strap","offer_id":47702712221947,"sku":"10212809882974942519","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic Illustration \/ Black - Black Strap","offer_id":47762317639931,"sku":"23308413188751851838","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic Illustration \/ Black - White Strap","offer_id":47762317672699,"sku":"28051132165275741829","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic Illustration \/ Black - Beige Strap","offer_id":47762317705467,"sku":"14514264871020618414","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/happy-hanukkah-chloroform-dark-humor-apron.jpg?v=1765400283"},{"product_id":"festive-af-pinup-christmas-ornament","title":"Festive AF Retro Ceramic Ornament – Blonde \u0026 Brunette, Classic + 2025 Editions","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"574\" data-end=\"878\"\u003eBring unapologetic holiday glam to your tree with our Festive AF retro ceramic ornament, featuring your choice of Blonde or Brunette pinup queen in both Classic and 2025 collectible editions. Each glossy 3-inch ceramic ornament delivers vintage charm, bold personality, and main-character holiday energy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"880\" data-end=\"1139\"\u003eWhether you prefer timeless classic styling or want to mark the year with a 2025 edition, these ornaments add instant attitude to any tree, garland, wreath, or holiday display. Choose your style, choose your year, and let your festive energy speak for itself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1141\" data-end=\"1492\"\u003ePRODUCT DETAILS\u003cbr data-start=\"1156\" data-end=\"1159\"\u003eGlossy ceramic ornament\u003cbr data-start=\"1182\" data-end=\"1185\"\u003eFull-color retro pinup artwork\u003cbr data-start=\"1215\" data-end=\"1218\"\u003eAvailable in Blonde Classic, Blonde 2025, Brunette Classic, and Brunette 2025\u003cbr data-start=\"1295\" data-end=\"1298\"\u003eDouble-sided print\u003cbr data-start=\"1316\" data-end=\"1319\"\u003eIncludes gold hanging string\u003cbr data-start=\"1347\" data-end=\"1350\"\u003eLightweight and durable\u003cbr data-start=\"1373\" data-end=\"1376\"\u003eMeasures approximately 3 inches\u003cbr data-start=\"1407\" data-end=\"1410\"\u003ePerfect for collectors, retro lovers, and anyone who takes holiday decor seriously\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1494\" data-end=\"1602\"\u003eCARE\u003cbr data-start=\"1498\" data-end=\"1501\"\u003eWipe gently with a soft, dry cloth\u003cbr data-start=\"1535\" data-end=\"1538\"\u003eBest displayed where people will appreciate your excellent taste\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1604\" data-end=\"1837\"\u003eTHE CROWNED SYNDICATE HOUSE RULES\u003cbr data-start=\"1637\" data-end=\"1640\"\u003eEach ornament is made once you order it. Because every piece is created specifically for you, we do not offer returns or exchanges for wrong variant selections or changes of heart after purchasing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1839\" data-end=\"1976\"\u003eIf your ornament arrives damaged or defective, send us a clear photo and we will make it right. No drama, no hoops, no long explanations.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Classic \/ Blonde","offer_id":47741582901499,"sku":"26693633127582286165","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic \/ Brunette","offer_id":47741677863163,"sku":"14918398577233141362","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2025 Edition \/ Blonde","offer_id":47741677895931,"sku":"22061865362667378361","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2025 Edition \/ Brunette","offer_id":47741677928699,"sku":"10385715419734405841","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/1_79b4cd00-e30e-4165-93c5-c31c04c31108.jpg?v=1764556729"},{"product_id":"he-sees-you-drinking-funny-ornament","title":"\"He Sees You When You're Drinking\" | Funny Alcohol Humor Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"897\" data-end=\"1186\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSanta knows... and he's probably jealous.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"product__description rte quick-add-hidden\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eAdd a little holiday truth to your tree with this retro ceramic ornament. Featuring Santa soaring overhead while a festive martini sits front and center, this design is for anyone whose \"holiday spirit\" comes in a glass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"He sees you when you're drinking.\" (So pour him one).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss 3\" ceramic with vibrant retro art.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for cocktail lovers, party hosts, and judging your relatives.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Style:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eClassic Art (Blue):\u003c\/b\u003e A rich, painterly design with a blue starry night background.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eVintage Sketch (White):\u003c\/b\u003e An elegant, hand-drawn look on a crisp white background.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eRetro Graphic (Green):\u003c\/b\u003e A bold, mid-century modern style featuring a green martini.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Details:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eHigh-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eVibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eGold hanging string.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eEvery ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle,\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eIf your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Classic Art (Blue)","offer_id":47741582967035,"sku":"82152609475911699654","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Sketch (White)","offer_id":47741697130747,"sku":"25149630344677843592","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Retro Graphic (Green)","offer_id":47741697163515,"sku":"26477120046981890920","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/funny-retro-christmas-ornament-naughty-or-nice-red-aluminum_jpg_5b9b271e-ee98-4b22-acf8-1a516e54ee01.jpg?v=1764557977"},{"product_id":"elves-toys-adult-humor-ornament","title":"\"Elves Don't Make the Toys You Like\" | Funny Adult Humor Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"639\" data-start=\"346\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSanta's Workshop definitely doesn't make \u003ci\u003ethose\u003c\/i\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eWhen the North Pole can’t keep up with your… specific preferences. This snarky retro ceramic ornament delivers a perfectly cheeky wink for anyone whose holiday wish list is a little more \"grown-up\" than Santa expected.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's the Perfect Gag Gift:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e Subtle enough for grandma to miss, funny enough for your best friend to cackle at.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage 50s innocence meets modern adult humor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Goods:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss 3\" ceramic that shines brighter than your browser history.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eReady to Hang:\u003c\/b\u003e Comes with a gold string, because you enjoy things that are easy to handle.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e Vibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Gold hanging string for instant decor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe gently with a soft, dry cloth.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47741583425787,"sku":"28607795265553972218","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/funny-retro-christmas-ornament-naughty-or-nice-red-aluminum_jpg_6f101a18-fa68-4c7a-b7fb-979189310cc4.jpg?v=1764560274"},{"product_id":"festive-af-funny-retro-ornament","title":"\"Festive AF\" | Funny Retro Christmas Ornament | Classic \u0026 2025 Editions","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eFor the holiday queen who is exactly as festive as she needs to be.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11,0\"\u003eThis retro-inspired ceramic ornament features a stunning vintage pin-up holding a sign that says exactly what we're all thinking: \u003cb\u003e\"Festive AF.\"\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eLight Skin Tone:\u003c\/b\u003e Features the \"Festive AF\" design on a sleek \u003cb\u003eChic Black\u003c\/b\u003e background.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eDark Skin Tone:\u003c\/b\u003e Features the design on a deep \u003cb\u003eMidnight Blue\u003c\/b\u003e background.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Edition:\u003c\/b\u003e Choose the timeless \u003cb\u003eClassic\u003c\/b\u003e design or mark the year with the \u003cb\u003e2025 Limited Edition\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Details:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e Vibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Gold hanging string.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eEvery ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle,\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eIf your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Classic \/ Dark Skin Tone","offer_id":47741583556859,"sku":"25457078174976807145","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Classic \/ Light Skin Tone","offer_id":47741714465019,"sku":"27152228883186144621","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2025 Edition \/ Dark Skin Tone","offer_id":47741711876347,"sku":"21613982907921317295","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2025 Edition \/ Light Skin Tone","offer_id":47741714497787,"sku":"17988446899702866017","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/1_47297f9f-f1dd-46df-88e3-cef5f12b638f.jpg?v=1764559459"},{"product_id":"festive-af-sleigh-loaded-funny-ornament","title":"\"Festive AF (My Sleigh Is Loaded)\" | Funny Drinking Humor Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe only thing more loaded than Santa's sleigh is... well, you.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,0\"\u003eThis retro-inspired ceramic ornament serves holiday glam with a martini and a side of judgment. Featuring a vintage pin-up who has clearly started the eggnog early, it’s the perfect décor for anyone whose \"holiday spirit\" is 40% proof.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Mid-century glam meets modern functioning alcoholism.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"Festive AF! (My Sleigh Is Loaded).\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss 3\" ceramic, double-sided print, and vibrant colors that pop even if your vision is getting blurry.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,3\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Drinking Buddy:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in three stunning \u003cb\u003edark-haired styles\u003c\/b\u003e, all rocking a festive \u003cb\u003ered dress\u003c\/b\u003e and holding a martini. Choose from \u003cb\u003eDark Skin Tone\u003c\/b\u003e or two \u003cb\u003eLight Skin Tone\u003c\/b\u003e variations to match your squad.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Light Skin (Short Hair)","offer_id":47741636444411,"sku":"12835232938281257482","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin","offer_id":47741700604155,"sku":"32405498745820448705","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin (Long Hair)","offer_id":47741700636923,"sku":"19511729365498600660","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/1_3dca472d-b539-4aa8-b0aa-6788b44e7570.jpg?v=1764558227"},{"product_id":"im-the-gift-funny-christmas-ornament","title":"\"I'm The Gift\" | Funny Retro Christmas Ornament | Blonde \u0026 Brunette Styles","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"413\" data-end=\"672\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eForget the wrapping paper. You're the whole package.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eThis retro-inspired ceramic beauty says exactly what we're all thinking: \u003cb\u003ethis year, YOU are the gift.\u003c\/b\u003e Featuring a stunning vintage pin-up emerging from a gift box, this ornament is the ultimate confidence flex for your tree.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Need It:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Unapologetic, glamorous, and slightly chaotic (in the best way).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Look:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss 3\" ceramic with vibrant double-sided printing.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Message:\u003c\/b\u003e \"I'm the gift.\" (No receipts, no returns).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Style:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Bombshell (Blonde):\u003c\/b\u003e Classic Hollywood glam in a red gift box.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003e The Vixen (Brunette):\u003c\/b\u003e Dark-haired elegance ready to steal the show.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"product__description rte quick-add-hidden\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Details:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eHigh-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eVibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"11,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eGold hanging string.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eEvery ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle,\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eIf your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbutton class=\"share-button__button\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"svg-wrapper\"\u003e\u003csvg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" fill=\"none\" class=\"icon icon-share\" viewbox=\"0 0 13 12\"\u003e\u003cpath stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\" d=\"M1.625 8.125v2.167a1.083 1.083 0 0 0 1.083 1.083h7.584a1.083 1.083 0 0 0 1.083-1.083V8.125\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003cpath fill=\"currentColor\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M6.148 1.271a.5.5 0 0 1 .707 0L9.563 3.98a.5.5 0 0 1-.707.707L6.501 2.332 4.147 4.687a.5.5 0 1 1-.708-.707z\" clip-rule=\"evenodd\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003cpath fill=\"currentColor\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M6.5 1.125a.5.5 0 0 1 .5.5v6.5a.5.5 0 0 1-1 0v-6.5a.5.5 0 0 1 .5-.5\" clip-rule=\"evenodd\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/button\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Blonde","offer_id":47741646110971,"sku":"23014580710961862824","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brunette","offer_id":47741704241403,"sku":"17541173514161948368","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Ornament-i_mthegift_1.jpg?v=1764558909"},{"product_id":"not-today-bitch-funny-ornament","title":"\"Not Today Bitch\" | Funny Retro Ceramic Christmas Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"666\" data-start=\"401\"\u003eIf “festive with an attitude problem” is your holiday vibe, this ornament was made for you. Retro pin-up sass meets zero-patience energy, all wrapped in rich green Christmas glam. Available in four styles, each one serving a different level of “I said what I said.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"951\" data-start=\"668\"\u003eThese snarky ceramic ornaments add the perfect punchline to your tree, your bar cart, or that one spot in the house where you quietly judge people. Whether you’re decorating for yourself or gifting your favorite troublemaker, this ornament guarantees a laugh—no explanation required.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eHigh-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eVibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eGold hanging string for instant decor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eWipe gently with a soft, dry cloth.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eEvery ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle,\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eIf your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Dark Skin Tone","offer_id":47741772202235,"sku":"36791981421017970248","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blonde","offer_id":47741772235003,"sku":"33001695425048691666","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black Hair","offer_id":47741772267771,"sku":"77929497968518753630","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brunette","offer_id":47741772300539,"sku":"18298085741048386910","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Ornament-Bitch1_2_1.jpg?v=1764596877"},{"product_id":"naughty-or-nice-funny-retro-ornament","title":"Naughty or Nice? | Retro Pin-Up Funny Christmas Ornament | Ceramic","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\"I tried.\" — You, explaining this year to Santa.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003eAdd a little truth to your tree with this retro-style ceramic ornament. Featuring a classic pin-up who knows exactly where she stands (somewhere between \"Naughty\" and \"Negotiable\"), this is the perfect \u003cb\u003efunny Christmas ornament\u003c\/b\u003e for the friend who lives on the edge of the Nice List.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Glam meets Honest Confession.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Quality:\u003c\/b\u003e 3\" round ceramic with a glossy finish that shines brighter than your behavior this year.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eDouble-Sided:\u003c\/b\u003e The design is printed on both sides, so no matter how it spins, your sass is visible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"726\" data-start=\"444\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eReady to Hang:\u003c\/b\u003e Includes a gold hanging cord for instant festive flair.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e Vibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Gold hanging string for instant decor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe gently with a soft, dry cloth.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47741784948987,"sku":"33824630717791864279","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/1_c0b79356-5ac0-4c19-997f-9d465f9948a4.jpg?v=1764563238"},{"product_id":"dessert-table-funny-christmas-ornament","title":"Dessert Table Fatass\" | Funny Retro Ceramic Christmas Ornament","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"762\" data-end=\"1074\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhen the dessert table whispers... and you answer.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eThis retro-inspired ceramic ornament delivers the brutally honest holiday truth your tree has been begging for. Featuring glamorous ladies caught in a moment of festive weakness (we've all been there), this piece blends old-school charm with modern-day sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eModern Style:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a contemporary, colorful illustration style.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eVintage Style:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a classic, softer 1950s painted look.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0,0\"\u003e\u003ci\u003eBoth serving attitude, both guaranteed to steal the spotlight.\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,3\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy You Need It:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"I saw you at the dessert table, you fatass.\" (It's what the ornament says, not us!)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Quality:\u003c\/b\u003e 3\" glossy ceramic that looks expensive even if your diet choices weren't.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,4,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Reaction:\u003c\/b\u003e Instant laughter (or side-eye) from guests.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"6\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e High-gloss ceramic ornament.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e Vibrant double-sided design.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 3\" diameter (Round).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Gold hanging string for instant decor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"7,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Wipe gently with a soft, dry cloth.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order—it doesn’t exist until you decide it should. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives broken or looking like it lost a bar fight with Santa’s sleigh, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Modern","offer_id":47741788291323,"sku":"73251439723964702323","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage","offer_id":47741790716155,"sku":"16621405971398579320","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/1_21cb0590-6984-478b-a232-5d5d8e6ac34c.jpg?v=1764563034"},{"product_id":"ho-ho-hoe-yourself-retro-christmas-apron","title":"Ho Ho Hoe Yourself | Retro Pin-Up Funny Christmas Apron","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eServe Snark with a Side of Holiday Spirit.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eSpice up your holiday baking with the \u003cb\u003e\"Ho Ho Hoe Yourself\" Retro Apron\u003c\/b\u003e. This isn't your grandma's cookie-baking gear—unless she had a secret life we don't know about. Featuring a classic 1950s pin-up style design with a sassy modern twist, this apron is the ultimate \u003cb\u003efunny Christmas gift for her\u003c\/b\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003eWhether you're hosting a chaotic family dinner or just need a \u003cb\u003erude festive apron\u003c\/b\u003e to warn guests you've had enough eggnog, this durable, stain-resistant apron has you covered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Available in multiple styles to match your kitchen aesthetic. Pick a classic \u003cb\u003eWhite\u003c\/b\u003e background for that clean vintage look, or a sleek \u003cb\u003eBlack\u003c\/b\u003e background to better hide the inevitable wine spills. You can also customize your look with different \u003cb\u003estrap colors\u003c\/b\u003e and women's cut styles.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy It's a Holiday Essential:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e Vintage Vixen meets Modern Sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003ePerfect Gift For:\u003c\/b\u003e The hostess with the mostest (attitude), Dirty Santa exchanges, or that friend who loves 50s rockabilly style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eDurable Design:\u003c\/b\u003e Made from heavy-duty polyester canvas that wipes clean easier than your browser history.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eComfort Fit:\u003c\/b\u003e Adjustable straps ensure it fits every body type, from the petite baker to the BBQ master.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"15\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Polyester Canvas (Stain resistant)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e Machine washable, tumble dry low.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"15,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eOrigin:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed in and shipped from the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ White - Black Strap","offer_id":47761777983739,"sku":"15781503470926513328","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ White - White Strap","offer_id":47761778016507,"sku":"88611418076034054609","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ White - Beige Strap","offer_id":47761778049275,"sku":"29382862012583888827","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ Black - Black Strap","offer_id":47761829036283,"sku":"81597125381811787551","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ Black - White Strap","offer_id":47761829069051,"sku":"19912859117732885879","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ Black - Beige Strap","offer_id":47761829101819,"sku":"22452372405499564802","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ White - Black Strap","offer_id":47761829134587,"sku":"19993742104098950443","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ White - White Strap","offer_id":47761829167355,"sku":"10081866255843429910","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ White - Beige Strap","offer_id":47761829200123,"sku":"26373007312473502628","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ Black - Black Strap","offer_id":47761829232891,"sku":"26555953076298469230","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ Black - White Strap","offer_id":47761829265659,"sku":"20280741449651530176","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ Black - Beige Strap","offer_id":47761829298427,"sku":"26051977184025035799","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/ho-ho-hoe-yourself-retro-christmas-apron-main.jpg?v=1765391970"},{"product_id":"chloroform-christmas-dark-humor-retro-apron","title":"Chloroform Christmas | Dark Humor Retro Apron | \"Does This Smell Like...?\"","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,0\" style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\"Darling, Does This Smell Like Chloroform to You?\"\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,1\" style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003eServe dinner with a side of savage wit. This vintage-style apron features a stunning 1950s housewife who looks sweet... but is holding a very suspicious rag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,2\" style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Ironic Twist:\u003c\/b\u003e Look closely at \u003ci\u003eher\u003c\/i\u003e apron. It cheerfully says \u003cb\u003e\"Merry Christmas Babe!\"\u003c\/b\u003e—because nothing says \"I love you\" like ensuring a \u003ci\u003every\u003c\/i\u003e silent night.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,2\" style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cb\u003ePerfect For:\u003c\/b\u003e True crime fans, exhausted moms, and anyone whose love language is peace and quiet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"24\" style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eProduct Highlights:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e 1950s Housewife meets True Crime Documentary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Joke:\u003c\/b\u003e \"Darling, does this smell like Chloroform to you?\" (Text arched over the top).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Details:\u003c\/b\u003e Features a festive \"Merry Christmas Babe\" detail within the art for maximum irony.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"25,3,0\" style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eFabric:\u003c\/b\u003e 100% Polyester Canvas (Strong enough to handle... cleanup).\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ White - Black Strap","offer_id":47762074829051,"sku":"24717214751710074063","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ White - White Strap","offer_id":47762074861819,"sku":"10641849618069891191","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ White - Beige Strap","offer_id":47762074894587,"sku":"23152001387281823395","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ Black - Black Strap","offer_id":47762100912379,"sku":"21438099267188294841","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ Black - White Strap","offer_id":47762100945147,"sku":"26379572953441994575","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Skin Tone \/ Black - Beige Strap","offer_id":47762100977915,"sku":"14415940038165948424","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ White - Black Strap","offer_id":47762101010683,"sku":"32970370237467237919","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ White - White Strap","offer_id":47762101043451,"sku":"75169526440620251112","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ White - Beige Strap","offer_id":47762101076219,"sku":"75753979324946090347","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ Black - Black Strap","offer_id":47762101108987,"sku":"67487947646569816417","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ Black - White Strap","offer_id":47762101141755,"sku":"75055220346144475885","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Skin Tone \/ Black - Beige Strap","offer_id":47762101174523,"sku":"25022303543067327882","price":48.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/chloroform-christmas-dark-humor-apron.jpg?v=1765397213"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/collections\/Shopify_1280_x_720_px_1280_x_720_px_3000_x_3000_px_15.jpg?v=1752182803","url":"https:\/\/thecrownedsyndicate.com\/collections\/classic-savage.oembed?page=2","provider":"TCS","version":"1.0","type":"link"}