{"product_id":"that-dress-funny-metal-ornament","title":"\"That Dress Makes You Look...\" | Funny Retro Aluminum Ornament | Cheap vs. Trashy","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"7\"\u003eSometimes you just need to say it. This retro aluminum ornament does the dirty work for you, delivering a vintage-style fashion critique that is as hilarious as it is rude.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eChoose Your Insult (and Your Style):\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eOption 1: The \"Trashy\" Scallop ($12.99)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e An elegant, vintage-inspired Benelux shape with a soft matte finish.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eThe \u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eQuote:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \"That dress makes you look trashy.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum with a \u003cb\u003eMatte\u003c\/b\u003e front and \u003cb\u003eBrushed Aluminum\u003c\/b\u003e back.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e 3.94\" × 2.76\" × 0.04\"\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"10,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eOne-sided\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e (Business in the front, raw metal in the back).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eBonus:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Includes a red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eOption 2: The \"Cheap\" Round ($15.99) – \u003ci\u003ePremium Choice\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eThe Vibe:\u003c\/b\u003e A classic, high-gloss round ornament that pops on the tree.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eThe Quote:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \"That dress makes you look cheap.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Specs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e \u003cb\u003eGloss\u003c\/b\u003e Aluminum.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e 3.31\" Round.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003ePrint:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eDouble-sided\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e (The insult is visible from every angle).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"12,2,1,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eBonus:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Includes a red ribbon for hanging.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eWhy Aluminum?\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eShatterproof:\u003c\/b\u003e Perfect for households with cats, kids, or clumsy relatives.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eFeatherlight:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Won't weigh down your tree branches.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eDurable:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Made to survive the holiday chaos (unlike that dress).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\n\u003cb style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003eCare:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'San Francisco', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 0.875rem;\"\u003e Wipe with a soft cloth (and maybe a conscience).\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"16\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eThe Crowned Syndicate House Rules:\u003c\/b\u003e Every ornament is made to order. Because of that holiday miracle, \u003cb\u003ewe don’t offer returns or exchanges\u003c\/b\u003e for buyer’s remorse or last-minute mind changes. \u003cb\u003eThe Exception:\u003c\/b\u003e If your ornament arrives bent, broken, or looking like it lost a bar fight, send us a clear photo and we’ll make it right. No hoops. No drama.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli data-path-to-node=\"19,7,0,0\"\u003e\u003cbutton class=\"share-button__button\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"svg-wrapper\"\u003e\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 13 12\" class=\"icon icon-share\" fill=\"none\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M1.625 8.125v2.167a1.083 1.083 0 0 0 1.083 1.083h7.584a1.083 1.083 0 0 0 1.083-1.083V8.125\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke=\"currentColor\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003cpath clip-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M6.148 1.271a.5.5 0 0 1 .707 0L9.563 3.98a.5.5 0 0 1-.707.707L6.501 2.332 4.147 4.687a.5.5 0 1 1-.708-.707z\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\" fill=\"currentColor\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003cpath clip-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M6.5 1.125a.5.5 0 0 1 .5.5v6.5a.5.5 0 0 1-1 0v-6.5a.5.5 0 0 1 .5-.5\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\" fill=\"currentColor\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/button\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"\"Cheap\" - Round (Double-Sided)","offer_id":47762737332475,"sku":"33602130431522763000","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"\"Trashy\" - Scallop (Single-Sided)","offer_id":47762737299707,"sku":"25522808068754771940","price":12.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0757\/8340\/5819\/files\/Hero_11aac8e3-1955-48fe-a79f-d0d77bef29ec.jpg?v=1765417493","url":"https:\/\/thecrownedsyndicate.com\/products\/that-dress-funny-metal-ornament","provider":"TCS","version":"1.0","type":"link"}